Then you start the wonderful walk down and pass by crushed beer cans littering the beautiful green grass and graffiti that looks like it’s been done by a three-year-old with a spray paint can instead of a Crayola and a sign that says, “Topless bar, Lesbian show.” And you’re like, “where did my beautiful world go?” “Everything looks perfect from far away.” Yeah, you said it Postal Service! The best spots I have seen yet were a park in Prague and some island in the Danube river in Budapest. Both involved lots of plants and little people. Little amounts of people, not dwarfs. We the people, in order to form a more perfect union, have taken something that was perfect and pure and tainted it with evil, sick, vile, nastiness.

This goes beyond aesthetics. What happened to loving your neighbor? We’re all people here. When did it become such a hassle to serve someone when you work in the service industry? Smiles are cool, man. Poland, you’re excused here, you did great. I wish people didn’t overlook you. I don’t want to name names, but some of these countries, you know who you are, have room to improve. You have a beautiful city and you defile it with your crumby dispositions. Shape up or I might go live with the animal kingdom.