So this is a true story I am relating to you. It;s more or less verbatum,

Ext. “The Hookah Bar” Krk, Croatia 11:30 p.m.

The four travel bugs walk up to a bar entitled “The Hookah Bar.” They sit down. after patiently waiting a few minutes Cody and Sierra walk up to the bar and wait patiently for a few minutes untill a bartender comes over. The place is not crowded mind you.

Cody

“Excuse me kind sir. Can

we geta hookah?”

The bartender looks at Cody as if horns are growing out of his skull. However, Cody, using his amazing sense of improv skills, gestures to the menu, which is cut out in the shape of a hookah and has the words “The Hookah Bar” on it.

Cody

“How do we get one?”

The bartender, is taken aback, almost confused as to why we would inquire about such an outlandish request.

Bartender

“No. No. We only have two.”

Cody and Sierra are confused. This is called “The Hookah Bar.” They only have two? They have 25 tables. What happens if one of the other 23 tables wants to hookah at “The Hookah Bar?” The Bartender looks around the bar. He spots one of the two hookahs and points.

Bartender

“Well, there’s one.”

“Thanks, that’s helpful, sir.” Cody and Sierra go and sit back down. A waiter approaches their table.

Waiter

“Would you like something to drink?”

Mind you, he asks this as if we were inconviencing him. The four travel bugs quickly discuss and order from the menu.

Travel Bugs

“Coffee and Baileys please.”

The waiter, a different guy from the bar, shakes his head perplexed, then responds.

Waiter

“No. No. It’s too late for coffee.”

What does that even mean? At what other time of the day would one drink Baileys and coffee? That is it, the travel bugs have had enough. They get up to leave. Upon leaving they see a hookah not being used. Since they no longer have to wait for the other tables to finish using their hookahs they ask to use hookah number 2 of 2. They approach a female waitress.

Travel bugs

“Can we get that hookah since it’s not being used?”

Waitress

(confused and offended)

“No. No. That one is broken.”

Mind you, a hookah has zero moving parts and consists of two connected pipes and a hose. Meaning a two-year-old could fix it using only drool. The travel bugs leave the bar scratching their heads with little to do but replay the past thirty minutes, pondering each puzzling instance through fits of laughter. Did that really just happen? Affirmative.

Then you start the wonderful walk down and pass by crushed beer cans littering the beautiful green grass and graffiti that looks like it’s been done by a three-year-old with a spray paint can instead of a Crayola and a sign that says, “Topless bar, Lesbian show.” And you’re like, “where did my beautiful world go?” “Everything looks perfect from far away.” Yeah, you said it Postal Service! The best spots I have seen yet were a park in Prague and some island in the Danube river in Budapest. Both involved lots of plants and little people. Little amounts of people, not dwarfs. We the people, in order to form a more perfect union, have taken something that was perfect and pure and tainted it with evil, sick, vile, nastiness.

This goes beyond aesthetics. What happened to loving your neighbor? We’re all people here. When did it become such a hassle to serve someone when you work in the service industry? Smiles are cool, man. Poland, you’re excused here, you did great. I wish people didn’t overlook you. I don’t want to name names, but some of these countries, you know who you are, have room to improve. You have a beautiful city and you defile it with your crumby dispositions. Shape up or I might go live with the animal kingdom.

So here are the topics: Possible disaster situations on trains. People vs. Nature. Money. Food and water.

Here’s the deal. You need a Eurail pass. It shows a list of countries that you can go to. The list of countries is so LARGE that you’re like ‘that’s every country in the world. I didn’t even know trains could go over bodies of water, but look Paris to Sydney.’ So you don’t bother to look at the fact that that train does not actually go to all the countries in the world, but all of them minus two: Poland and Sylvania. What? You went to Poland? Good thing earlier that week you found out you need to make reservations for the train. That way when you go to set up a reservation for Poland they tell you you actually need to purchase a ticket because Eurorail does not go to that country. Disaster averted. No! You also need to get your Eurorail validated. That means buying it is not enough. You also have to show it to someone and have them stamp it. With a stamp. Why? Who knows? But they will threaten you and you will be scared. What else could go wrong? Oh I don’t know. How about you’re on your train and having a great time and it stops off at a stop and you’re like ‘oh this isn’t my stop, I’m going to continue to play solitaire because the people I’m traveling with are talking to some guys from Amsterdam.’ The train starts up again and you realize the train actually broke apart into two trains, one to one location and another to another. Now the train you were on that was going to Krakau (sp? Idk it’s pronounced like crack how) is now going to some country that America forgot about. Believe me it can happen.